Extract from secret Prawn Dossier

 

Not so long ago, on an evening not to dissimilar to tonight, two masked prawns met in a quiet bar in down town Chicago to discuss a plan most dangerous.

 

The sun had finally lost his valiant battle against the day, and sank sullenly behind a snow-capped giant, where he would rest until the bird’s songs awoke him the following morning. The evening once again conquered her immortal enemy and draped its blanket of darkness over the shoulders of the world. Her moment of triumph was short lived as she discovered the struggle had left thousands of sparkling pinpricks belligerently winking at her with promises of revenge.

 

Inside the bar, shadows danced upon the walls with wild abandonment as the candle flickered beside us, a beacon in the night. The air was heavy with intent as we planned and schemed the timely demise of our enemy most savage, the evil crab hoard. Commander Q, who had until recently been operating under a free licence, had been called upon to fulfil one last mission before heading into the savage lands of New Mexico on a quest of discovery.

 

I sat intently listening to her wild ideas and extravagant plans that poured from her like a vintage wine full of promise and mystery. Her role in these proceedings was simple, to devise a way of disrupting the very foundations of the crab hieratical system, and collapse their society from within.

 

What we needed was to turn a member of the Crab government into a weapon we could silently weald within their corridors of power. In a turn of good fortune, I had recently encountered a lungfish, who ashamed of his callous behaviour towards our very own Marge, had begun drinking in a local prawn tavern. We agreed to befriend the lungfish and allow him to overhear several supposed intelligence meetings. It was hoped that our misinformation would find its way back to the crabs and lead them to believe that there was a traitor among them. A witch hunt within Crab command could prove to be more devastating than any military strike we could hope to launch.

 

The Plan had only one problem, it had taken to long to devise. Four hours in a bar during happy hour meant I was three sheets to the wind, and promptly fell from my barstool straight onto my face. I awoke two days later to find the lungfish had gotten over his guilt, and had once again returned to tormenting Marge with added enthusiasm.

 

From now on, all secret meetings would be held at a local Taco Bell........

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

- Big bertha had a thing about large helmets

 

 

 - May Cod give us strength in our time of need

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Once the correct sponge arrives we hope to clean up this mess and resume business as usual. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here is the fearless Penguin Assualt Squad in action -  

 

 

 

 

 

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Mission De-brief 1.0 should you need reminding.

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After a few initial tests, it appeared that we had discovered the correct ratio of growth hormone to tartar sauce that would gradually increase prawn size, whilst not turning the subject completely mad. 

 

 (Driven crazy by undiluted serum and extremely bad daytime television)

 

Within 3 days of injecting the serum into the test subjects, the increase in mass was somewhere in the region of 300%. We now had a formidable prawn weighing in at 1lb and 200mm in length. At this rate of growth, another day would see the creation of our new super soldier.

 

The following extracts are from my journal:-

 

However, the 4th day arrived and it appeared that our prawns had experienced excelerated growth during the night, meaning instead of the estimated 400mm we were expecting, our prawns now measured in at just under 1000mm. It now seemed that our experiment had a mind of its own, no matter what we did we were unable to reduce the rapid increase of size.

 

The team and I have not slept for 48hours. We have been forced to move the experiment into the main gymnasium of the research facility as the lab was no longer able to contain us. Our prawns now stand at 1800mm meaning there is increased likely hood that humans may notice what we are doing. Fortunately with their lower IQ's, we were able to convince the general populas that our prawns were actually underpaid students dressed up in costumes to endorce a new fish food restaurant opening up around the corner.

 

I believe our cover was blown this morning when one of our prawns some how managed to get himself lodged on the roof of a charity shop. Measures will have to be taken before local authorities realise this is not some elaborate practical joke.

 

 

We our no longer able to conceal ourselves. The prawns growth has now stabalised at around 40ft and 2 tonnes. We are attempting to make a break for the coastline in the early hours of the morning. At this time I would consider the mission a failiure. We now have several prawns that will have to go into hiding, and we have lost one of our most important research facilities due to an unfortunate case of flatulance from one of our giant prawn soldiers!

 

 

Running out of ink for my pen will upda.........

New movie is dedicated to all those who aspire to be like the great Hoff. It may take a little long to load as its a pretty big file.

 

Enjoy my fishy friends.

 

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It is offically the 60th day that Gay Prawn (a site dedicated to happy prawn and nothing to do with the way that they swing) and we are proud to announce our 3000th hit.

 

Guest Number 3000 just happens to be the one of the Brotherhoods allies from the nunnery Sister Druids Sleep, who will be the lucky recipient of one years supply of 'Grandma Crustacean's world famous prawn feelers massage ointment, made from only the finest crab oils'

 

Whilst communications have been restored to most provinces at this time, it appears as if a few of our agents are still having problems with their supply lines.

 

If you have a moment free, I would ask that you attempt to contact Lieutenant Colonel DereksWTF. If you manage to get through to him, please let him know we are doing everything in our power to remedy the problem. 

 

 

 

Signing out for the week: Top Prawn

It appears I have been a little derelict in my duties lately. I have just been reminded by our Logistics co-ordinator, Cpt. Spygrrrrl of the Barking Quark division that I have yet to issue the troops with their new spy glasses.

 

 

 

 

It is with great pleasure to announce the most earned promotion in rank since the war began. From a mere citizen of the Prawn nation, Chelle of DoMeSTiCa is hereby given the rank Commander of Prawn Intelligence for her great contribution to the safety of our frontline soldiers.

 

The new camoflague she has designed, increases the success rates by ensuring are undercover prawns remain unrecognised and full of tasty candy.

 

We of the prawn nation salute you.

 

At all times in war, it is important to remember the wellfare of your troops. I know you have all been working tirelessly to rid our neighbours of crabs, least we catch them ourselves.

 

The war has not been easy on any of us. We have lost friends and family, and many are left with the uncertainty of not knowing whether thier lost ones are still alive, or if crab tastes better with tartar sauce or a splash of lemon.

 

But we stand together arm in arm, feelers on feelers and unite against our common enemies.

 

As a show of appreciation for all your hard work, I am organising an evening of fun, games, music and movies for you all.