I lay in my sea bed, my eyes start to flutter,

The day had been long but that didn’t matter.

For tomorrow was Prawnmas and the ocean would cheer,

The one day of the season when nobody feared.

For the fighting would stop and all would be friends,

The ceasefire respected till Prawnmas’s end.

 

I finally sleep and have miraculous dreams,

Of candy coated sea horses drenched in buckets of cream.

When deep from my slumber came a violent crash,

I leap from my cot and to the window I dash.

Out in my yard, stood a vision so weird,

A seven foot shark dressed in red with a beard.

 

He winked through my window and waved with his fin,

And asked with a chuckle ‘could you please let me in’

I ran down the stairs not a clue what to do,

Then imagined the damage if he squeezed through my flue.

I opened the door and kindly beckoned him in,

he bowed me his thanks and gave a huge toothed filled grin.

 

With not a moment’s delay he heads for the lounge,

Grabs my stocking from the fireplace and rumbles out loud.

‘You’ve been a good little prawn, to the people you serve,

So I’ve brought you the present you so richly deserve.’

Then a blink of the eye, he was suddenly gone,

And with him the sherry and a plate full of scones.

 

To my horror I watched, there was no magic involved,

He crashed through the lounge wall leaving only a hole.

I stomped up the stairs as I cursed and I seethed,

Knowing my insurance company would never believe.

So I climbed into bed and fell back to sleep,

Only to be woken by my alarms careless bleep.

 

I leapt from my bed and dived down the stairs,

I stopped in the lounge and just stood there and stared.

The lounge wall was fixed and my present was gone,

The sherry undrunk and a plate full of scones.

I scratched at my head, not all as it seems,

It turns out last night was no more than a dream.

 

So a lesson hard learnt but one taught with ease,

Before falling asleep one should never eat cheese.

 

 

Merry Prawnmas everyone

 

- Top Prawn

In a bid to halt crab operations, we have the prawn brotherhood have turned to the supernatural.

 

So sponsor your own vampire prawn with a donation of blood and do your ocean proud.

 

 

Alternatively join the battle yourselves, and let us sire you.....we have a great dental plan and 30 days holidays a year!!!

 

 

 

Extract from secret Prawn Dossier

 

Not so long ago, on an evening not to dissimilar to tonight, two masked prawns met in a quiet bar in down town Chicago to discuss a plan most dangerous.

 

The sun had finally lost his valiant battle against the day, and sank sullenly behind a snow-capped giant, where he would rest until the bird’s songs awoke him the following morning. The evening once again conquered her immortal enemy and draped its blanket of darkness over the shoulders of the world. Her moment of triumph was short lived as she discovered the struggle had left thousands of sparkling pinpricks belligerently winking at her with promises of revenge.

 

Inside the bar, shadows danced upon the walls with wild abandonment as the candle flickered beside us, a beacon in the night. The air was heavy with intent as we planned and schemed the timely demise of our enemy most savage, the evil crab hoard. Commander Q, who had until recently been operating under a free licence, had been called upon to fulfil one last mission before heading into the savage lands of New Mexico on a quest of discovery.

 

I sat intently listening to her wild ideas and extravagant plans that poured from her like a vintage wine full of promise and mystery. Her role in these proceedings was simple, to devise a way of disrupting the very foundations of the crab hieratical system, and collapse their society from within.

 

What we needed was to turn a member of the Crab government into a weapon we could silently weald within their corridors of power. In a turn of good fortune, I had recently encountered a lungfish, who ashamed of his callous behaviour towards our very own Marge, had begun drinking in a local prawn tavern. We agreed to befriend the lungfish and allow him to overhear several supposed intelligence meetings. It was hoped that our misinformation would find its way back to the crabs and lead them to believe that there was a traitor among them. A witch hunt within Crab command could prove to be more devastating than any military strike we could hope to launch.

 

The Plan had only one problem, it had taken to long to devise. Four hours in a bar during happy hour meant I was three sheets to the wind, and promptly fell from my barstool straight onto my face. I awoke two days later to find the lungfish had gotten over his guilt, and had once again returned to tormenting Marge with added enthusiasm.

 

From now on, all secret meetings would be held at a local Taco Bell........

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

- Big bertha had a thing about large helmets

 

 

 - May Cod give us strength in our time of need

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Once the correct sponge arrives we hope to clean up this mess and resume business as usual. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here is the fearless Penguin Assualt Squad in action -  

 

 

This draft was carried out by order of Commander DoMeSTICa.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

---

 

Mission De-brief 1.0 should you need reminding.

---

After a few initial tests, it appeared that we had discovered the correct ratio of growth hormone to tartar sauce that would gradually increase prawn size, whilst not turning the subject completely mad. 

 

 (Driven crazy by undiluted serum and extremely bad daytime television)

 

Within 3 days of injecting the serum into the test subjects, the increase in mass was somewhere in the region of 300%. We now had a formidable prawn weighing in at 1lb and 200mm in length. At this rate of growth, another day would see the creation of our new super soldier.

 

The following extracts are from my journal:-

 

However, the 4th day arrived and it appeared that our prawns had experienced excelerated growth during the night, meaning instead of the estimated 400mm we were expecting, our prawns now measured in at just under 1000mm. It now seemed that our experiment had a mind of its own, no matter what we did we were unable to reduce the rapid increase of size.

 

The team and I have not slept for 48hours. We have been forced to move the experiment into the main gymnasium of the research facility as the lab was no longer able to contain us. Our prawns now stand at 1800mm meaning there is increased likely hood that humans may notice what we are doing. Fortunately with their lower IQ's, we were able to convince the general populas that our prawns were actually underpaid students dressed up in costumes to endorce a new fish food restaurant opening up around the corner.

 

I believe our cover was blown this morning when one of our prawns some how managed to get himself lodged on the roof of a charity shop. Measures will have to be taken before local authorities realise this is not some elaborate practical joke.

 

 

We our no longer able to conceal ourselves. The prawns growth has now stabalised at around 40ft and 2 tonnes. We are attempting to make a break for the coastline in the early hours of the morning. At this time I would consider the mission a failiure. We now have several prawns that will have to go into hiding, and we have lost one of our most important research facilities due to an unfortunate case of flatulance from one of our giant prawn soldiers!

 

 

Running out of ink for my pen will upda.........